读后续写高潮的构造手法

裴延国

什么是故事的高潮?高潮应该是文章中的激烈的矛盾冲突的叠加和突出表现。在读后续写中, “读”的部分已经给出了故事的背景(background)和对故事进行了适度的发展(development)。根据文体特征，留待考生续写的部分应该是故事的高潮（climax）和故事的结尾（ending）。

高潮的塑造强调细腻的手法，把紧急的事情慢慢写，危机的事态细细的刻画，以突出主人公的深层次的内心活动或者事情的深层次的矛盾。根据平时的写作实践，发现在构造故事的高潮的时候，可以突出使用以下四种手法，或者综合使用这四种手法。

一. 心理描写

以下边的案例为例，故事讲的是一个男人周日清晨下楼买早点，然而并没有买到自己喜爱吃的东西，而且很贵。上楼来，迷糊之中到了9楼，打不开门，使劲敲门打算叫醒女儿开门。一抬头，看到是9楼而不是10楼。走错了楼层。心里想，万一来开门的是一个烦躁的女孩，该怎么办呢？故事续写的高潮部分，我是这样写的：

If a young girl had opened the door and said angrily to me, “what on earth are you banging on my door for on so early a Sunday morning?” I would have been at a loss for a moment and then handed over my four slices of wheat bread and said, “I’m sorry, miss. But your boy friend ordered all wheat bread for your breakfast. He knew that you didn’t have any bread at all and thought it was no good going without breakfast. Three dollars in total, please!” the girl’s angry face turned to be a smiling one. “Thank you for sending the bread to my home on the ninth floor on such an early Sunday morning. Here is three dollars.” Her sweat and pleasant voice disappeared behind the door. I rushed into the elevator and pushed the button, anxious to leave soon. Back to my apartment, I sat to drink coffee without any kind of baked goods, tired but happy.

故事巧妙地使用上文所提供的伏笔信息，把自己伪装成一个外卖小哥，转让自己的早餐，以此来脱离困境。整个高潮的构造完整，衔接自然，充分利用心理描写，在意念之中刻画了一个激烈的矛盾冲突。

二.动作描写

以下边的案例为例，故事讲的是Mac和两个朋友一起骑车去阿拉斯加。路上一个朋友自行车坏了，朋友们停车维修，让Mac骑车先走，他们一会儿追上。Mac独自骑行时，遇狼追赶，用防狼喷剂击退之后。狼再次追上。巧遇开车经过的Paul和Becky对他进行搭救。

Para 1. The car abruptly stopped in front him. Paul put his head out of the window and yelled,” hi, man, come on over here!” Mac jumped off his bike and ran with all his strength towards the right car door. He opened the back door and jumped into it in a hurry. But just as he drew his right leg into the car, the wolf caught up. It opened its mouth and bit Mac’s pants with its sharp teeth tightly. “Go, go, go!” Shouted Mac to the driver Becky .He Knew if the wolf had another chance to bite, its teeth would be tearing into his flesh. Mac didn’t want to die, thinking of his wife and two young daughters at home. S

o the car raced with the frozen wolf pulled on the road.

Para 2. A few minutes later, the other two cyclists arrived. Evaluating the situation, the two friends decided to ride approaching the wolf. They took out their bear spray and fired at the wolf. A much more thicker bright red cloud enveloped the animal again. Just at the moment, they arrived at the bottom of the steep uphill climb, the car and the bicycles stopped. The two friends stood around the wolf, which lay on the ground with its sharp teeth catching Mac’s pants. Assessing the situation and realizing it would lose the battle, it let go of the pants and fled quickly.

高潮塑造时，用了细腻的动作描写。Mac跳下自行车，冲入汽车内。如果就此容易的逃脱，故事缺乏高潮和可读性，所以设置另一个矛盾冲突，狼在最后关头，咬住了Mac的裤腿。Mac只能催促快开车。因为如果狼能有一个缓息的机会，它一定会咬住Mac的肉。所以这时故事就很有画面感了，狼咬着Mac的裤腿，被拖行着。

三. 环境（场景）描写

环境（场景）描写是从上帝的视角，以第三人称的角度进行描写的。通过环境（场景）的刻画，呈现事情发展的具体状况，利用场景的综合表现来构造故事的高潮。在这类故事中，场景的表达自身就是故事的高潮。以下边的案例为例，故事讲的是男孩Nicholas 在山里独自滑雪的过程中，迷失方向受困。自己又没有做任何预防措施，在雪山上受困三天后获救。

The next day, Nicholas went out to look for help. Except for the shinning snow, he could see nothing .Hunger urged him to push the snow away with his skiing board and searched carefully for some roots. Luckily, he found some nuts instead of roots. The nuts temporarily relieved his hunger but fright crowded into his mind again. He walked forward in one direction and marked his route with some branches, looking for help. He walked on and on, but still couldn’t find anyone. “Maybe staying where I was is the best way out. Anyway, it’s the top of the hill,” he thought. With the dark falling down, he huddled in the cave to keep his body temperature.

On Tuesday, Nicholas went out again to find help. He daren’t walk far away. So far he had been sick and hungry. “Nobody can find me. I’ll die lonely,” Nicholas thought sadly. He managed to gather some branches from under the snow and together with skis; he spelled a huge “SOS” in the snow. Then the poor guy fainted in his snow cave. Nobody knew how long had passed before a helicopter came to his rescue and rushed him to the nearest hospital.

在高潮塑造时，从人的需求的层次出发，条件反射地需要脱困，但是饥饿并不会排队等候。饥饿暂时解决后，随之而来的是恐惧和寻求脱困。几经努力，还是没有看到希望。情景的描写把故事一步步地逼向绝望，甚至掉进绝望的冰窟。这种步步紧逼的情景描写手法，扣人心弦，自然生成了故事的高潮。

四.语言描写

以下边的案例为例，故事讲的是女主人在家宴请亲朋，教育两个女儿帮忙在客人到达时接放衣帽，走时再一一送上衣帽。客人们到达时看到这两个孩子，不由纷纷夸奖一番，尤其是夸奖小女儿。这种做法不由另大女儿心生委屈。她独自跑到楼上哭泣。

I said, “what are you doing, my dear?” Kristen turned to me and said sadly, “Mom, I did the same thing as my younger sister Kelly .But why did the guests appreciate her job alone and ignore my equal share of labor? Isn’t my dress as beautiful, either? Or am I not a remarkable girl?” what I was worried about did happen as expected. My elder daughter was hurt. How could she understand the tricks of the adult world? Adults usually make a big “to do” over the younger one not because the elder one is dull or hard to please but because the younger one seems more easily hurt.

I tried to explain to her, kissing and hugging her to make her feel better. Kristen nodded her head as if she could understand what I said. Gradually she calmed down. “As a matter of fact, you did just as well as Kelly. So you are as lovely and cute. You too deserve all their attention.” Kristen was delighted at my words and came down to join the dinner. At the end of the dinner, she and Kelly got the guests’ coats from upstairs and handed them politely to the guests. She was reasonable and sensible. I was lucky to have such good kids.

在构造故事的高潮时，考虑到情节绝对应该是往大女儿叙述委屈的方向发展。因而大女儿的哭诉和发泄应该是故事的高潮。因此，在写作中把故事的第一主人公（大女儿）和第二主人公（母亲）的言语用直接引语的方式表达出来，突出和原汁原味地展现她们的对话，以强调画面感，构造故事的高潮。

五.综合运用

在故事的塑造中，其实使用单一的手法还是比较少见的，更多的时候是综合使用各种手法，根据需要进行构建。以超市购物被怀疑偷窃的故事为例。一天在一个繁忙拥挤的时段，女主人到超市去购物，买单出门时，警报器不知何因响了。女主人被请到了止损部，接受搜查。

Para 1. “There’s nothing,” I answered, taking everything out of my pockets and bag. The manager and the young security man checked every item carefully. Then they asked for my check-out list. I found it and handed it to the manager. Comparing the list with the items carefully, he still found nothing wrong. He was confused. Staring at me doubtfully again, he shouted,“ undress all your clothes!” “Oh, no, no way! I did nothing wrong.” I screamed wildly. The young security man walked towards me and began to pull off my overcoat. “Stop it!” the manager cried. he stood up slowly from his chair and walked to me. He raised his hand to touch my neck. I was in

a terrible shock and let out a wilder cry. Cautiously, he took off a small piece of paper from my collar. It was a label bearing “pork, $2.5/pound”.

Para 2 seeing that, they apologized to me in the small room. Somebody must have stuck it on my collar because there were so many customers in the supermarket. It was a dirty joke. Anyway, I didn’t accept their apology in the small room. I required an open apology at the exit. They agreed and gave me some gifts as remedy.

在这个续写中，运用到了语言描写“There’s nothing,” “ undress all your clothes!” “Oh, no, no way! I did nothing wrong.” “Stop it!”等来突出故事的矛盾。运用了动作描写，比如动词check, hand, shout, undress, scream , pull off, cry, raise, touch, let out, take off等动词生动地展示了细腻的动作。心理描写He was confused. I screamed wildly. I was in a terrible shock and let out a wilder cry.等也一步步地把故事推向高潮。故事中的情景描写贯穿于整个高潮的塑造之中，不断地烘托氛围，制造紧张的气氛。